Frequently Asked Questions

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Infrequently Asked Questions



Q: Where can I send you fan/hate male?

A: Don't you mean "mail"?

Q: That, too.

A: I can be reached at NikHouserMail@gmail.com.  Reached electronically.  No physical reaching, please.

 


 

Q: Where do you get your ideas?

 

A: All my stories are copied, verbatim, from Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Soap labels.

 

 

Q: Why do you spell you name without a “C”?

 

A: As a kid, I went by “Nikki”.  When I got older, I chopped off the last two letters.


 


Q: You look younger than you are.

 

A: Is that a question?

 

Q: No, I’m just saying.

 

A: Well, thank you.

  

 

Q: What authors have influenced you?

 

A: Every author I’ve ever read.  That the way our brains work.  Authors of whom I’m radically fond?  Sherman Alexie, Robert McCammon, Paolo Bacigalupi, John Scalzi, Christopher Moore, Michael Chabon, Kurt Vonnegut (duh), Italo Calvino, Christopher Buckley.

 


Q: Are you a dog person or a cat person?

 

A: I’m more of a colossal squid person.
 

 

Q: Do you want to be buried or cremated?

 

A: Now?

 

Q: Eventually.

 

A: Oh, then neither.  I want to be freeze-dried (for cargo-capacity purposes) into a space mummy and fired into outer space from the International Space Station.  Barring that, cryogenics or vampirism.

 



Q: Where do you see yourself in ten years?

 

A: In the future.

 

Q: Can you be more specific?

 

A: I’d like to fulfill my life-long ambition of robbing a bank using a penny farthing bicycle (one giant wheel and one tiny wheel) as my means of getaway.

 

Q: Can you be even more specific?

 

A: I’d like it to happen just after brunch, under a partly cloudy sky, with the temperature a balmy seventy-two degrees.

 



Q: Pick a Beatle to be stuck on a desert island with (keep in mind, you will eventually turn on him and eat him).  Defend your answer.


A: Well, you've got to consider you're options.  Ringo would be fattier, but Paul would be more fun to hang out with before you eat him.  John would be more likely to figure a way off the island, but George, zen fellow that he is, would be less likely to put up a fight when you cannibalized him.  If pressed (which seems unlikely to happen), I'd go with Paul.  Great attitude, wonderful entertainment, and good, meaty shanks.



Q: What advice would you give to aspiring writers?

 

A: Always wear clean underwear.  Posture is important.  Avoid werewolves where applicable.  It’s okay not to like the work that came before yours, but you should pay attention to what’s been written, to avoid hackneyed themes (NOTE: hackneyed themes are fine if written very well, but editors are far less likely to pick something up from Joe Nobody, no matter how good it is, if the plot is too familiar).  Also, you know, read shit a lot, write even if you don’t feel like it, and avoid genital warts.

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